8th of March.. My birthday

Birthday?? what is birthday?? birthday to me is a day where i only wish to spend with the girl i love most.. I haven't been celebraing birthday for ages, the last celebration i could recall was my 12th birthday.. i spend my last 2 birthday working, probably some will feel that i'm silly even to work on my birthday, but i'm glad that i could spend 'the' day with the girl i love most then..

This year, was my worst birthday ever.. although my pal did spend the day with me, but its not exactly what i wanted it to be.. i feel lonely eventhough i'm not alone.. when i see couple passes by, my loneliness increase drastically, just like i'm alone in a deserted place, with my empty shell still accompanying my friends.. how i wish that some1 will fill the empty space in my heart, so that i would not be lefted out on that deserted place.. i wish there's some1 walking side by side with me, holding hands, exchanging kisses, and unbreakable love..

sometime i'll ask myself, 'Am i that poor?' as i see those couple walking by holding hands.. and i'll ask myself, 'Where is she? where is the other part of me?'.. i don't need birthday cake, nither expensive gift.. all i need is only my love will spend this day with me..

i'm listening to jay chao & landy's - zhu wo sheng ri kuai le.. every lyric, every melody, is like describing me...

Valentine...a sacret day to be celebrating with your love one

14th of february, valentine's day...this would be the most sacret day for alot of lovers all around the world...no races, religious or even gender barrier...two individuals who loves each other will find this day the most meaningful day of the year...this is a day on which lovers express their love for each other by sending valentine's card, roses, kisses, hugs, or even expressing some, intimacy...
every year when it comes to this day, i'll feel so happy, excitedly greeting this sacret day, but this year, its a totally different storry...i' ve been through so many valentine alone, but this year, it would be the most lonely valentine for me...not just because i am alone, it is because my heart is empty, empty interms of losing the one you loved most...how i wish that i can celebrate this day with the gal i love, hug her, kiss her, touch her, feel her, and most importantly to show my cup-full of loves towards her...to countdown the date with her, the mark of a special occasion in our heart...but, this has long been forgetten, as she is now probably celebrating with don't know who...
my wishes were just as simple as ABC...that is to spend the eve and the actual day with my princess...with the gal i love soooo much...izzit so darn hard for my wishes to be fullfiled??? just like any other couple, holding hands, spending the nite together, wishing our love could last eternally??? there's still a short period before the sacret day arrive, i really hope that by this day, i am happily holding her hands, looking at the stars, with the city view and a bouquet of flowers in front of us, me saying 'i'll love you till the last breathe of my life, baby', and she'll says ' baby, i'll always stays behind you, till i am 10ft off the ground'...the sweetest moment will eventually happen on this very sacret day, 14th february...
sometimes i wondered, am i too bad to be loved??? losing out to uncountable guys??? and most importantly, losing my princess??? what happen??? what is love??? what is VALENTINE???

love that couldn't be forgotten???does it ever exist???

love that couldn't be forgotten...an abstract consist of memories & feelings...let me start off my topic with a storry...
"far away in the kingdom of malasi, there live a prince who always failed in his love life, been hurted countless time till he chooses not to believe in love anymore...he can be considered as an established, and quite good looing prince...many gals willing to sacrifies thier life for him,but everytime he chooses the wrong princess that couldn't cope with his ambition...one day, he met with a princess from the neightbourhood kingdom, he though that this time should be the real princess which he could count on for the remaining of his life...everything goes well untill one day, the princess told the prince that she is confused with her feelings...she says that her previous love was too deep,and that she couldn't forget their time together, memories keeps flashing through her mind...and that she wanted time to re-consider her feelings...the prince was very upset and wonder why she still couldn't accept a new relationship??"
I understand what was in the mind of the princess, as i,too faces the same probblem, although she and her previous prince can't be together, maybe because of some particular reason, the love that they been through just not so easy to be forgotten, no matter the other party is in a relationship, or managed to put down the past, the memories of their sweetest time will always stuck on the princess mind just like a unremovable glue which sticks the memories on the mind...mind is even worst, it involved not just the 2 of us, it involve more then 2innocents which were the victims of our failed love, i do miss them so much, i really do...but,the probblem is, does it really worth it to remain the one-handed love to oneself?? a love that everybody knows that it wouldn't have a happy ending?? a love that you know its impossible to get?? memories keep flashing by, but it can one day be kept in the storage room of our brain, just that how long it takes to be kept in it... we must look forward to the unpredictable, the answers has been far too long to be kept behind...if the answer was a happy ending, then it should be kept eternally, but if the answer end up like a sad drama, then we should learn to move forward and get on with our life, and put down the pain for a better love ahead...pardon me if anything i says was wrong, but as a human, nothing could be though except the person him/herslf, as human are to emotional to be though...so for all who reads my blog, my heart, my soul, i wishes you a very prosperous OX year, and all the LOVE outside will eventually found thier SOUL this year...

Finally....She gave me the courage to let go

Finaly,she gave me the extra courage to let go,let go of the so many suffering sleepless nite,when she was sleeping soundly..I admit,i was wrong for not being able to accompany her when her grandma pass away that nite,it is all so sudden..but as her bf,i attended the prayer the next day,afterthat,i attended her grandma funeral too..i tried my best to give her the support she needed..although its not perfect,as i really need to balance between career n love,but at least i did not totally neglect her..she always says that her 'sisters' is the best support to her whnever i m nt able to acc her??but why this time she rather cried to a guy instead of them,or even me??i noe,this is the best time for a guy to overtake me in our relationship..but does our relationship so weak??she always ask me to trust her,which i did..but why the ending will be like this??when she keep denying,i really hope that my feeling wasnt true,but i really cant lie to myself anymore,n i'd like to thanks her for finally admitting..it feels real damn pain,but it is definitely better then hoping for something that is hopeless..sud i blame her for hurting me??or sud i thank her for at least knowing the truth??the truth that she keeps hiding from me even when we are together..all this while, i'll nvr dare to say a single thg tat carry the meaning of breaking up,coz i m really affraid of losing her..but today,i finally brave enough to tell her to throw away the stars that i gave her,if it'll affect THEIR futurep..why is it so hard for a men to express their sadness by crying??i m now listening to 'ni shi wo zui shen ai de nu ren',yes,i m crying without tears..but life must go on..need to concentrade on my career,wanting to prove to her that her decision was wrong..this few weeks had been a disaster for me..but from this very second onwards,i m able to fully concentrade on my career..try to sleep as well as her everynite..thanks for giving me a wonderful 1year n 8months,which was exactly today,22nd of november..

You'll be in my heart!!! as long as my heart still beats!!!

My feeling is just like a roller couster without a terminal, ups & downs, none stop..i m listening to jays latest single, called 'shuo hao de xing fu'..every melody, every words from the song, touches deep down my heart..how i wish to be a child once more, just cried out whenever u feel like crying..unlike now.........only able to cry with my heart..it has been a while since i had to suffer like this, every single nite..how i wish she'll read my blog, wat i nvr express to her b4..listening to this song,makes me recall back the stars i made for her, 799, written with wat i'd plan for our future in every single stars, our family's future, our son,our daughter,our grandson,our grandaughter,our honeymoon,our family's vacation,our 1st house,our summer house,our marriage,our anniversaries,and the most importantly,walking on the beach,holding hands,when we were 80..my career,was affected by her,which i nvr though it'll eventually happen to me..all the while i think tat career is the most important part in a man's life,untill now,i m too coward to face the truth..i really wonder wat to do,to keep still with my philosophy?or chooses to surrender to the power of love..i always had an extremely big ambition,i just hope that it'll goes smoothly along the way,but.....LOVE???? extremely horrible,extremely cruel,extremely hard to manage!!!i dun expect her to understand wat i m doin now will eventually lead me to my success,i only hope tat she can support me for wat i did,trust me,trust tat i m doing the rite thg,trust tat i chooses the rite path,just like how i chooses her..i dun care how my family objected me,not tat i doesnt love them,just tat i m sure tat they'll be proud of me 1day..i m sure tat the day is coming near..i really need her to be the women behind me when the day comes,where every1 respect me,proud of me & believed in my dreams..coz,she'l be unreplacable in my heart,for wat we've gone through..from the first day we met,so many obstacles we've gone through 2gthr,to fight the thing tat only belongs to us,the LOVE tat we use to love each other..its so deep,n i believed tat it is not so weak,like NOW..lastly,i just wana tell her, I LOVE U..

Nothing is impossible, impossible is nothing!!!

Lately,i ve been working as a Banker (Mortgage team specialist). as usaul, i set a very high target for myself. The bank gave every new recruit 3months probation period which require to accumulate a personal sales of 1.2mil (depends on the target set by different leader) for confirmation. The top new recruit in the bank takes around 1 & a half month to acheived a 900k acceptance. Me, i set myself a target, to achived a 1.2mil sales in 1month. To update my status, i m reaching it. This is the 3rd week i ve work for the bank. Currently, i ve signed a 500k acceptance last week, sunday (i m putting all my efford to achive my goal). On top of that, i ve 2 case, add up to 400k, which is almost certain to signed with me. Besides, i ve just submitted a very troublesome clients application today, which is only a 200k++ case,but,i hope that my leader would be successful in appealing the case for me tommorow. If everything goes smoothly, i ll be achiving my target by next week, which is exactly 1month from the date i join. Along the way, i ve counter many sleepless nite, family complaints, work pressure, pressure from love, and the largest problem of all, the pressure i m giving myself.But, i m able to handle with everything that block my way, and i ll be extremely proud if my expextation was met.
I just wanna share with all my friends out there. The reason i write my success out is not bcoz of me showing off or watsoever, i write the statement above is to tell every human who read my blog, the ways of success. As proven, all my theories applied to every success i ve got. Although, i m not a wealthy person (not at the moment, but surely will in the near future), but i ve tried applying my theories in almost everything i ve done, n it is working quite well. I believe that nothing is impossible, just trust yourself, that you are a successful person, and you are in the process in becoming one. I believe that people who looks down on me (including my family) will be proud of me ONE day. Therefore, whoever that think that they cant, READ MY BLOG!!! and take this as a motivation to your success. Lastly, be POSITIVE with your life, and you ll achieve everything that you desire!!!

Ended..................Finally???(part 1)

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yday was her birhtday (according to chinese calender)....supposingly,it sud be a happy day....coz i ve done wat i ve nvr done b4....i woke up at 9am in the morning, partly is to sent my bro to coll....i went to jusco at ard 12pm, to choose her fav cake....unfortunately, the outlet told me that thy havent receive the delivery from the factory yet, thy told me that i need to wait 4ard an hour or so...n ask me to choose another flavour...but of course, i ll resolve every obstacle to get the cake she like the most...therefore i insisted the outlet that i ll wait 4the cake to arrive...then i wonder ard jusco wit the free time i had, to choose the most valuable birthday card (valuable here means regardless of the cost,the 1 wit most meaningful writting), hope that it ll suprise her...i ve serch 4 quite a few shops, finally, i went into a shop, the name end wit lane...there r hundred,if not thousand of variety inside the shop waiting 4me to explore 1by1...thn i go through this card,its a simple card by looking at the outlook of it...but it cost almost the same as the more interesting looking card available there...this is exactly the card that meets my requirement 2day, bcoz of the meaning written on it...after paying for the card, i went to my car n write my own greetings on it...i told her, that i ll respect every decision she made, since she's ady an adult now...n i told her that i love her, eventhough wat happen between us in the past...it 1.30pm, n her class was almost finish...i went to the outlet agian n order the cake...suprisingly,out of my expectation,thy say that thrs been some technical prob wit the delivery van, n the delivery needed to be delay, AGAIN!!!! since it is out of my control, wat i can do is to wait,AGAIN....it 2pm, she call n tell me that her class is finish, n ask me whr m i...i told her that i ve got smthg important to do n ask her to wait 4a while...dunno y,i felt guilty 4her to wait eventhough i m doin smthg tat ll made her happy...finally i manage to get the cake n i went to coll n pick her up...i brought her to a lake, telling her that i wanna do smthg special 2day,since we nvr been to a lake 2gthr b4...its kinda smelly to be frank,coz thrs a few horses shitting thr...haha...but its kinda windy n quite relaxing, at least 4me, if not her...thn we found a shaddy spot n sat on the bench thr...tis is the right time 4me to suprise her wit wat i do tis morning...suddenly, i told her that i left my phone in the car, thn i rush to the car as i really left my phone in the car...i took the card n hide it on my back, n took the cake out...slowly but excited, i walk to the back of a tend near the place we sit, i lite up the candle n slowly walk 2wards her....as i go near her,i started to sing the song 'happy birthday'...as soon as i finish singing,i ask her to make a wish (hoping that the wish belongs to the both of us) b4 she blew off the candle...we ate the cake 2gthr n took some pic b4 we head to our next destination...which is klang,to hav our seafood dinner as wat we plan the previous day...the storry continues...................................

Love with lie!!!! will it last????

love is a sacret bond between 2persons...as love is sacret,it sud be pure,jz like a piece of white sheet...but when lies do exist in love,its jz like the piece of white sheet is polute by a black dot...for a couple to walk until the end,the piece of sheet mz be kept properly, and keep polution to a minimal, and work hard together to clean up the polutions...but the task of cleaning it needs both parties which holds the love to sacrifies together...without the giving of either party, the task will never be completed...Face???Excuses???Sassiness??? these will never help in accomplishing the task of cleaning up the polution...This is the very basic principle to love sum1, that is giving, tolerating, honesty, accepting, generousity, sharing, to sum it all up, means willingness to SACRIFIES for the 1 u really love...most importantly is, never keep secrets from the 1 u love (if not the most), coz it really hurts them alot n make thm think that thy r irrelevant to u...most of the time, couple who jz started a r/ship ll naturally practise it, but as time goes on, they tend to neglect it...and ended up walking different ways...only those who really understand the theory of love will successfully walk together in the same path until the end...my question here is, is it so darn hard for a gal to understand the real theory of love??? or i ve yet to meet the 1???