Finally....She gave me the courage to let go

Finaly,she gave me the extra courage to let go,let go of the so many suffering sleepless nite,when she was sleeping soundly..I admit,i was wrong for not being able to accompany her when her grandma pass away that nite,it is all so sudden..but as her bf,i attended the prayer the next day,afterthat,i attended her grandma funeral too..i tried my best to give her the support she needed..although its not perfect,as i really need to balance between career n love,but at least i did not totally neglect her..she always says that her 'sisters' is the best support to her whnever i m nt able to acc her??but why this time she rather cried to a guy instead of them,or even me??i noe,this is the best time for a guy to overtake me in our relationship..but does our relationship so weak??she always ask me to trust her,which i did..but why the ending will be like this??when she keep denying,i really hope that my feeling wasnt true,but i really cant lie to myself anymore,n i'd like to thanks her for finally admitting..it feels real damn pain,but it is definitely better then hoping for something that is hopeless..sud i blame her for hurting me??or sud i thank her for at least knowing the truth??the truth that she keeps hiding from me even when we are together..all this while, i'll nvr dare to say a single thg tat carry the meaning of breaking up,coz i m really affraid of losing her..but today,i finally brave enough to tell her to throw away the stars that i gave her,if it'll affect THEIR futurep..why is it so hard for a men to express their sadness by crying??i m now listening to 'ni shi wo zui shen ai de nu ren',yes,i m crying without tears..but life must go on..need to concentrade on my career,wanting to prove to her that her decision was wrong..this few weeks had been a disaster for me..but from this very second onwards,i m able to fully concentrade on my career..try to sleep as well as her everynite..thanks for giving me a wonderful 1year n 8months,which was exactly today,22nd of november..